The kids aren't out of school yet and I have already lost my cool with them. Last night, at the ballpark, Peggy and I had to work the announcer's booth. The kids were with us and we wanted to crown the lot of them. Jenna wanted to poke every button that was up there, Jessica whined the whole evening, and Jeremy thought he was in charge. "Stop! Don't! Quit! Hands off! No! Quit that! Don't do that! Jeremy! Jessica! Jenna!" As you can see I didn't use very many complete sentences. When the evening ended, Peggy and I were exhausted. Don't get me wrong, we have great kids and I love them all, but they can still make me angry.
It is easy to get angry. Not just with the kids, but with many individuals and situations we face. Even Jesus got angry. When Jesus was turning over the money changer's tables, driving the animals out of the temple, and saying, "How dare you turn my Father's house into a market." He was not happy. In a recent book by Gary Chapman, he said something about anger that I never knew. In his book Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way, he writes, "The bible often indicates that God experiences anger. The word anger is found 455 times in the Old Testament; 375 of these refer to God's anger. In fact, the psalmist said, 'God is angry with the wicked every day' (Psalm 7:11 KJV)." Hang on a second. If God is holy and if God is love how can God be angry? Most of us would say that anger is sin, so God must sin because he gets angry. Far from it. Let me state this in a different way and see if you understand. Because God is holy and because God is love, God necessarily experiences anger. It is God's holiness standing in the face of man's sin that makes him angry. It is God's love standing in the face of injustice that makes him angry. And God's response to his anger is never sinful.
The bible is pretty clear that anger is not a sin but how we handle our anger can lead to sin. Gary Chapman tells the story about a mother whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver. In her anger, she could have went after the man who killed her innocent girl. She could have stalked him down and ran over him like he did her daughter. Instead, Candy Lightner took her anger and began MADD, Mother's Against Drunk Drivers. It was her love for her daughter, her anger with the drunk driver, and the injustice of the court system that led to her action. She wanted to use her anger to make a difference and change the world. And she has.
What will we do with our anger? Gary Chapman gives us five steps to anger management.
1. Acknowledge to Yourself that You are Angry. Have you ever said, "I am not angry!" knowing full well that you are angry? I do that all the time. I know that God gets angry and I am made in His image so I will get angry. First I must admit it. It is not a sin to be angry and I need to understand this emotion.
2. Restrain your Immediate Response. Avoid the common mistake of venting and spend some time examining why you are angry. The immediate response often leads to sin. Count to a hundred or a thousand if you need to, but restrain your immediate response.
3. Locate the Focus of your Anger. Why are you angry? Were you truly wronged? How were you wronged? Did someone just let you down? How serious is this offense? Is this really something worth fighting about? Answering these questions may just help us to understand ourselves better. Maybe what happened was a trigger that you need to work on. Maybe the appropriate response is to examine what is going on inside of you.
4. Analyze your Options. Ask yourself the question, "Will my actions help or hurt the relationship?" "Am I acting out of love for the person who offended me or revenge?" If we need to confront, we need to do it in a constructive way. Anger can lead to destructive actions which are sin. We need to avoid actions that Jesus would not approve of. Think of the best way to handle this situation.
5. Finally: Take Constructive Actions. Sometimes the best course of action is to let the offense go. Pray about it and forget it. Jesus does that for your sin all the time. Release your anger and move forward. But, there are times that you must set the person who wronged you down and help them understand how you feel. There are times that they must know what they did wrong. This is a calm, thought through discussion that you have planed and prayed about.
There are times that I wonder how our angry reaction to our children affect their little lives. And not just our children, but how does our anger affect our marriage, our families, and our work environment. If anger is an issue for you, let me suggest purchasing the book by Gary Chapman Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way. It is available on-line or in the book store at church. We all face times of anger, I am sure that a little biblical advice on this issue can help in many of your everyday situations.
In His Love,
Pastor Aaron
